But, earlier today a friend from high school commented on my blog with the advice, "enough with the self-loathing."
I thought I would just let it go, but I think this comment deserves a proper response...
I, in no way see this blog as a way to loathe about how I'm not in a relationship. I'm in a relationship with a lot of things, my family, my friends, my future, my breakfast, etc. Yes, maybe some of you do find this to be a bit depressing, but that is not my intention at all.
I think that many of us live in the notion that one day we will find "the one," settle down, have two kids (a boy and a girl), live in a nice house, drive a nice car, and live in the luxury of family vacations, parties, and albums to document our happiness. When I write that I am "alone...forever," I'm simply stating the possibility that this may not be a reality for everybody. Alone...forevers exist. There are people out there who have learned how to live alone. The people that don't get the luck of the draw. The people that are serial-daters, casual hooker-uppers, or just emotionally unmatchable. There are people out there that are alone...forever. There are people that are alone until they die. Maybe not necessarily in a boarded up house shoo-ing children away, but alone nevertheless. To me, recognizing the possibility of that reality, is not self-loathing, but a way of learning how to cope and understand what may or may not be in store for my future.
Being alone does not always mean your sad or resentful.
Being alone is not always warranted but learning how to deal with loneliness can make a person more resilient in the end.
Or at least, that is what I believe.
I'm not saying you should dump the person youre with and sit in your room for hours on end trying to be alone...forever... but to respect the time you do have with yourself. The silence. The quiet recognition of your environment and the people that surround you. Becoming occupied with yourself, your thoughts and what has yet to come. (I know I sound like the end of a yoga video, but hear me out here...)
Right now, I am aware that I will be alone...forever for quite awhile. I have a job that will consume me and dreams that will control my desires for the rest of my life. Maybe you have a job that consumes you or maybe you don't. Maybe you're alone...forever because you just are...and that's okay. Maybe somewhere along my road, I'll meet someone that changes my status, makes me un-alone...forever. Maybe my reality will be a white-picket fence, a sweet house and a husband who brings in the money while I take care of the kids. I don't know. That might not happen. And after all is said and done, I'm okay with the possibility of being alone...forever.
