A long time ago, poet, Staceyann Chin posed these questions to her Facebook friends. Ever since, I've been asking myself these questions and asking others around me to see if I can come up with a suitable answer. I haven't gotten a lot of solid answers. I think a lot of people are afraid to answer. I assume it's because they think it's (or I'm) lame or they've never been in love. I don't know. I know what I've felt and what I've gone through. The realities and emotions I experienced after saying "I love you," are expressions I force myself to recall when drawing any conclusions to
"how do you know you love someone?"
"how do you know somebody loves you?"
These questions are important when you choose to leave your alone...forever state and graduate to dependency. Thinking you're in love and being in love are very separate experiences. They easily blend and mask one another but I've found that when you are in love...you...just...know. And you just know that the other person loves you too. Everything feels 100%. There is no taking, just giving. You want to know everything about that person. You want to be in their head. Remember their smell, their smile and the way they pause between their thoughts. You want to give into them. You want them to be the one that knows you, the one that makes you feel above all cliches, "special". You want them. Period. You want to be loved and to love.
It's 2AM and I just left three frickin (this word looks so awful, but seems appropriate) bars. I was on a mission to find a husband (like I am every night), to "find love in a hopeless place," like my girl Ri Ri. Sadly I left each bar unsuccessful and alone...forever. But I knew this all along. You can't find love in the places where you choose to look for it. You can't find love in the people that go to the same shitty bars that you go to. You can't find love in simple hook-ups. You can't find love in the person that has been on your mind, the person you've been with, the person that makes you smile but does not make you anything special in their life. Pessimistic, yes. Drunken truth, most likely. But what I've come to realize is, that in order to know love and in order to find love, you have to be less-thirsty for it. You have to be willing. You have to be willing and patient. You have to let love seep into the places where your grudges are the tightest and your heart is the coldest. That's when you'll come to realize that you love someone and that they love you (or at least, I hope. I'm alone...forever so I can be optimistic and pessimistic as often as I choose to).
