"The deal is, if you say you are afraid of being alone and lonely, you are casting aspersions on the lives other women build for themselves to keep that fear at bay. The sisterhood of singledom fractures along these lines. The people who have resigned themselves wait for the rest of us to cross over, one by one. Step into the flattering, indirect light. There’s a rattan basket for your sandals on the left. The women who have truly made peace with their single lot are a scarce breed, though from time to time, I hear of sightings."
A few weeks ago when I was up in Chicago for all the wrong reasons, I had dinner with three friends I've known since I was eighteen. (All of them lucky enough to be in successful long-term relationships.) They seemed happy. They seemed both complete and fulfilled. As we sat together for the first time in months, I opened up about current relationship problems and how I'm alone...forever. In trying to find a remedy for my situation, they reminded me of how awesome, successful and brilliant I am (ad-libbing like crazy here) and how time will only provide me with something promising. As much as I appreciated the support and advice, their words only reminded me that I've yet to come full circle. Not to say a relationship completes a person, but as time passes, I feel more and more abandoned on this long road of singledom.
But occasionally, while on this road, I come across men and women who, like Flynn mentions above "have truly made peace with their single lot." These are my people. Or at least the people that I like to be around. The people I like to take advice from. They've learned how to exist in the world for other purposes besides loving for marriage and babies and growing old with one person. These people are way more entertaining than I am. People like my seventeen year-old sister who has no problems or complaints with going to her Junior prom stag. People like my close alone...forever friend who stresses the importance of her career over finding a mate. People like my old classmate Jackie, who tells me every time I ask about her relationship status, "girl, even when I'm not single, I'm single."
I'm not into settling but I have yet to find the comfort in being single. Given time I know I'll overcome this obstacle and look back on these posts and vomit over my patheticism.
But for now, it's safe to say that reflection, sharing, and waking up every morning to Thought Catalog articles and texts from close friends is what will eventually get me through this fear of being alone...forever.
But for now, it's safe to say that reflection, sharing, and waking up every morning to Thought Catalog articles and texts from close friends is what will eventually get me through this fear of being alone...forever.
