About a month ago, I thought I would make a zine about loving and past loves. I thought the reflection would be helpful, but during the few days I tried to write creatively about my experiences, I fell short of anything substantial or worth sharing. I did however, write a small introduction. This blog may seem like a joke, but what I know to be true is that the realities of no longer loving and no longer sharing love is something many of us experience everyday. The zine was supposed to help me remember past relationships; what made them great and what made them horrible and unhealthy. I'm alone now because of their ending but I have no resentment for the state in which those relationships have left me in.
This introduction may just read as a repeat of my first post, but the words come from a different purpose...
January 23, 2012
"i'd like to believe that this was a long time comin'. i'd like to say that i've been writing this for the past year and that everything reflected within these twenty-some-odd pages is a culmination of all my thoughts from the past year or so. but that's absolutely not true. this idea came to me on a drive home from chicago and for a good week, i sat on it…thinking it wasn't important and that something else would come to mind to distract me. nothing ever did and now it's 2AM and i find myself writing this nonsense (but also coming to terms with how important nonsense can be sometimes).
i stopped writing over a year ago because i didn't think i was good, i could barely write letters to the boy i loved without grammar mistakes and run-on sentences. writing makes me nervous. what i'm doing right here makes me nervous, but i'm starting to realize that i don't care and i think that freeing myself from any fear of judgement is the first step in becoming better.
and by better, i mean, getting over some serious fucking heartbreak/ache/sore…something…something i haven't been able to clearly put into words for quite awhile.
this may be nonsense…but it's a culmination of ten years of nonsense that given time to seep, may make a little sense, may grow, and may help ease future and hopefully present pains."
