I had to make this. I needed to make a blog that epitomized everything that I am going through. I'm dramatic, easily heartbroken, 21 and never sorry for any of the ways in which I choose to categorize myself.
I had to make this because a little over a week ago I saw The Vow alone. The worst part being that I arrived 20 minutes early and the employees had to tell me to wait outside until they were finished cleaning the theater. Of course I cried and of course I mumbled the phrase, "Alone…Forever" underneath my breath during the entire length of the movie. "Alone…Forever," a small grouping of words that I now seem to say all the time. My friend constantly corrects me, "Um, it's Forever. Alone." But I like the small pause I give in between the 'alone' and the 'forever.' The pause represents the awareness and rejection I have of the idea that I indeed, might always, be alone…forever.
If you don't believe me, maybe you should learn that there is indeed a "Alone…Forever" curse upon my family. About two summers ago I travelled to the Philippines with my Lola to visit family and become culturally-connected to my distant heritage. At the time I was with my "one-true-love" and spending most of my time glued to a computer-screen that was located in an internet cafe a mile from our house. I remember during a car ride my Lola told me to "make sure that boy marries you, otherwise you'll end up like all the other Divino women….alone….forever". According to my Lola, there have been a numerous amount of Divino women who have never married or ended up in long-term relationships and instead, have been alone…forever (or at least until they passed away). These women, classified by my family as "hags" or "lesbians" are known to have been victims of the "Alone…Forever" curse, a curse my sister and I believe, still plagues our family today.
(and in case you were wondering, I broke up with the boy mentioned in the above paragraph through e-mail after he went crazy and called me a French-whore…maybe some of my "Alone…Forever"-ness is brought on by myself but in many cases it cannot be confirmed or denied)
From now on, this blog-space will be used to document my life as a Divino-woman cursed by "Alone…Forever." As one close friend reminded me one day, my "life is a joke." I hope that maybe someday, someone will stumble upon this blog and bear witness to the heartbreaks and remedies of being alone…forever.
